It’s hard to be alone. And yet, at various times and stages of life – even day to day or hour by hour, there are times we will be alone. So, how do we manage it?
At times, it’s nice to be alone. It gives us time to rest, reflect, or complete a project. But other times, it can feel lonely.
When you’re single, it’s tempting to look at your friends who are in a relationship and wish for the companionship they have with a significant other. But as I think about that, I realize that while that level of companionship is great, it’s almost impossible never to be alone. Even if we’re married or have kids, there will be times when we’re by ourselves.
When my last relationship ended, my son was about to graduate from high school, and the thought of being a SINGLE, empty nester panicked me.
I have good friends and see or talk with them regularly, but I knew I’d still be alone most of the time. Impulsively, I wanted to meet more friends and find new activities to participate in. I searched Facebook and Meetup for local groups to join. I made plans with friends and added activities with the new groups.
I overdid it. It was exhausting, and I was out of energy to do some of the things that were important to me. I realized that I was running from my fear of being alone. I needed to find balance. As I entered this new phase of life I needed to reassess what was important to me.
So, I went for a walk on one of my favorite trails and then to a quiet restaurant. I brought a journal with me and wrote out the questions:
What is important to me?
What do I enjoy doing?
I spent about an hour reflecting and writing in response to those questions. I made a rule for myself to only make plans two nights a week. If something else popped up, I really wanted to do it and had the time, money, and energy for it, I could add it. As I moved through my new plan, with a new focus, I started to feel content, instead of panic.
There are still times I feel alone or lonely, but God has been reminding me that I’m never truly alone. None of us are. He is always with each one of us.
That can be a difficult concept, a difficult truth to grasp. How can the God of the universe be with each of us? And yet He is. Always. (it reminds me of the post from last week when God crossed my path with another woman and used it to help us both)
When I was in high school, I was surrounded by people who loved me - good friends, my family, and my boyfriend. But my boyfriend was abusive and in that relationship, love often hurt. My parents were trying to help me, but it often felt like I was in trouble. And to hide the abuse, I slowly withdrew from all my friends. Although I was around many people, I felt completely alone.
I often cried out to God. In church, I learned, then believed that God loved me unconditionally. I clung to God’s love, shared my tears with Him, and He comforted me. (I go into more detail on this in Chapter 8 of the book It Doesn’t Start with a Punch).
In my mid-twenties, I moved to a new town. I didn’t know anybody. The apartment I rented was in a brand-new section. For several weeks, I was the only person in one of the buildings. When I went to bed at night, I was often intimidated by how isolated I was. If someone were to break in, I knew there was no one to hear me scream for help. Again, I turned to God. As I crawled into bed each night, I prayed for Him to protect me.
But God doesn’t just want a relationship with us when we’re alone, in despair, or scared. He will comfort us during those times. But He wants a relationship with us all the time.
Once, an acquaintance shared with me that David was known for having a heart like God’s because he spent so much time with God. As a shepherd, David was alone with his flock for long periods of time. He spoke with and listened to God regularly. I imagine they walked and talked together quite a bit. (There are many chapters in the Bible about David, beginning in 1 Samuel 16)
Reflecting on that, I see there’s a purpose in being alone. It reminds us we’re not alone. We can always turn to God. And He wants a relationship with us. He knows everything about us, and yet just like our friends or family, He wants us to turn to Him. He wants us to talk with Him about our days, to listen for and to Him, and to share our joys and sorrows with Him.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want us to have friends, a spouse, or companionship—he does—and it’s mentioned regularly in the Bible. It’s just that He wants us to have a relationship with Him first. He wants us to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5).
תגובות